PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

I’m so proud of myself!!!! I’m staying at home… doin everything i wanted to do… staying at home alone without whining and grumbling and complaining that i am sianz!!! hahaa

Cooked my own lunch and dinner… yummy luncheon meat!! i decided to go healthy so, i did not add in any oil when cooking my luncheon meat.. and guess what… the stupid luncheon meat is so oily…. when i get it out of the pan, it is still dripping with oil!!!!! oh my god… i cannot imagine what will happen when my mum added so much oil each time she cook luncheon meat.. yucks…

anyway.. i ate so much fruits, tomatoes, milk, bread…. my parents are determined to get me back to the healthy diet i used to have… so what if they stock the whole fridge with fruits, milk and vegetables, i’m still able to get myself ice creams and kit kats.. hahaha… I’m crazy over chocolates, esp kit kats!!! i love them!!!! hahaa…

lalallaaaaa…. i wan to go bangkok!!! shoppping!!!! i’m so excited that i’m actually drawing up a list on the various places to shop, eat, spa and relax!! hahaa… i’m so excited… My mind is set.. i wan to go bangkok!!! hehee….

okie…i’ve tidied up my rooom… and here are the…

okie…i’ve tidied up my rooom… and here are the photos…. i’m lazy to upload the photos… but since i’m so free now.. i shall upload them!!!

lallaaalaa…. seeems nice bahz…. i’m sooooo bored… i guess everyone on earth can see that i am really so free and bored that i keep blogging… haiz..

juz went thru my msn list… saw weiling’s nick… db07… it stands for david beckham and the no. for david backham back in Manutd was 07.. well… on my msn, it states, “Last seen online, 11/2/06, 5.57pm, 76 days, 21 hours, 46 minutes ago” well… her brother actually logged on her msn after she passed away on 3/2/06… somehow.. i realise… time flies… doin projects, massaging, happy moments, laughters.. it had been quite some time since i heard her laughters, see her smiles, listening to her crap, suaning her abt everything and yet she can juz take all criticism with a smile… everyone misses her… i really hope that she is happy… As long as she is happy.. everyone will be happy for her… isn’t that what she alwayz say, 你开心就好！

ger.. remember that u still owe me a birthday wish… i wan u to say happy 21st birthday to me… i’ll be waiting for u in my dreams… it’s not hard for u to find me in dreams since i’m alwayz dreaming when i’m asleep.. dun try to find excuses….

We miss u…

Alone in the room, listening to the ongoin music, …

Alone in the room, listening to the ongoin music, chatting with bren from time to time… time flies.. i’m now in my room for more than 9 hours.. and i’m sick of the four walls… but still… i manage to survive… i manage to find things to talk with bren and to surf ard…

Sometimes i really love to be alone like this…. doin my own things.. i can think about all things i hope to remember… those happy moments, those people who made a difference to my life… Now come to think of it.. i’m much quieter… i dun talk… when i am with them… maybe i’m lost for words.. maybe there are no longer common topics.. maybe no one is interested in my life.. coz i’m leading a very routine life.. all i can do is to complain abt my school.. and really… no close frien from my poly is in SMU now… *shrugz* i dunno… i dunno how to communicate with ppl…

I no longer noe how to communicate with my parents.. no longer noe the way to communicate with porkies.. i kept quiet.. many times, i dunno what they are talking abt… maybe i’m not making the effort to tok to them.. Can anyone see that i’m actually a very quiet person who seriously dunno how to communicate well with ppl… i dun talk i dun smile.. not becoz i’m unhappy.. is becoz that’s me… i’m trying.. to find ways to communicate with ppl… i noe i can’t alwayz shut myself in the room… behind the doors… haiz…

It’s now morning… i’m thinking of my BK breakfast.. i’m hungry… haiz…

today not a good day… not for me, not for louis….

today not a good day… not for me, not for louis… anyway… at least everything is alrite now… oh ya… when i was on my way home, i saw rainbow… long time since i last seen one.. beautiful… the sky is so beautiful today… it would be nice if we are at the beach… nice…

Louis had went off to meet his friends.. hope he will enjoy himself… glad to see him smile again… Phew.. haha…

huiling juz called me… she wants her dinner.. and i hasn’t take mine too.. but is like she wan to go JALAN KAYU… wah… how to go!! Normally ppl drive me there for supper.. i wun noe how to go there.. she say take cab… erm.. my wallet left with 10 bucks… and ATMs left with 1 buck… well well… i’m sorry huiling.. but i really no money to go hahaa… somemore my parents not at home.. no money…

Haiz… tomolo is saturday.. and i haven even get to work.. shit…i need money… urgently…

Peggy said that she went gym yesterday… i wan to go gym too… one day i shall go to SMU’s gym… hurmp!!! make my school fees worthwhile… lalalalaa

i’m forcing myself to smile.. to take it as though…

i’m forcing myself to smile.. to take it as though nothing has happen… Everything is not goin smoothly.. i wan job.. i wan work..i wan money.. i wan to go shopping…

I wan to meet up with him.. i wan to spend some memorable times together.. i want to do so many things.. to make full use of my hols… but apparently, i can”t find a decentjob.. i can’t get money… i din get to go anywhere.. i’m having a lousy hols… i”m so angry with myself.. so disappointed with everything…

Everything is screwed…

can everyone see that i’m so bored……. i’m lazi…

can everyone see that i’m so bored……. i’m lazing ard at home… goin round and round in my room trying to find things to do… haiz… i hate lonelinesss… and i’m blogging and blogging… i’ve blogged so many entries… shit…. haiz… i’m so lonely… sianz…

Argh… i dunno what i wan.. i’m complaining boring when i’m at home.. i’m complaining tired when i’m outside and at work.. haiz… i’m a weirdo.. i’m feeling down.. very very down… haiz…

i’m so bored that i did so many online test thingy… here are the results.. wonder if they are true…

Your Birthdate: July 12
You’re a dynamic, charismatic person who’s possibly headed for fame.
You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.
Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.
You are affectionate and loving, but it’s hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm
Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics
Your power color: Indigo
Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating
You’re not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

Your Power Color Is Blue
Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you.
You are empathetic and accepting – and good at avoiding conflict.
If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.
You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

As promised…. i’ve cleared my drawers… compile…

As promised…. i’ve cleared my drawers… compiled all my letters and greeting cards from all of my friends… i nearly forgotten how many ppl love me…. out of so many letters and greeting cards… Huiling Top the list… almost 70% of the stuff are from her… every thing she send me will be put in this special folder hahaha…. and i love her!!!! now i realise how lousy i am as her friend… i’m sorry girl… i will keep my promise.. i will go find u for lunch… not that i’ve forgotten abt it.. juz that i’m clearing my room… *excuses* hahaaa…. i will go find u!!!

Anyway… after huiling… Weichuan came second.. every year since i’m 13 years old i think, i will get greeting cards, birthday cards… in one of these birthday cards, i came across sth special!! hahaa… he said that he was sorry for not being abt to get brown jacket i like… hahaa… i dun even remember lahz!!! hahaha… he said he owe me one… hhahaaa… so funnie!!! Anyway.. weichuan is one of the person who gave me expensive birthday presentz in my secondary school life… CDs.. many many CDs… hahaha… and there are some of the things i forgotten.. i choose to forget… i HELP U SAVE UR FACE… hahaa… anyway.. nice to have him as my friend… OOhz… he mentioned sth.. hahaa.. he said that since he couldn’t get the jacket i wanted.. i can buy it and give him the receipt, or he tot he wan to attach a cashcard inside the birthday card, or even cash…hahaha… he then said that i would most prob throw those cash back at him… ahhaa.. yes i will.. haha.. that’s me… hahahaa…

Now i remember those wonderful times i had in AMkss.. how lame is huiling.. how hungry i was when waiting for huiling, peg and dorothy for recess.. hahaa.. how deliciious was the chicken rice but i seriously dun like chicken rice.. while dorothy love it.. hahaa… Ohz!!! the CAI FAN.. hahaa.. we alwayz queue up for that rice with curry…. hahhaa…. anyway… those are really beautiful memories…

In that stack of cards.. there’s this tissue thingy… is given by huiling.. she wrote a letter in diary formatt from the day she started work till the day she went for her product design orientation in Tp.. sweet,… now i realise that i’ve neglected her… very very sorry….

besides that.. i saw this card.. from weiling and jinhui.. a beautiful card… with a Tb12 group photo taken in the chalet… thankew… another card given to me by Tb12 on my 17th birthday.. the very first time we celebrated my birthday in the macdonalds.. the first gift i received from all of them… my adidas sneakers.. i remembered i kissed them… i guess so.. hahaa… anyway… i love them… everyone of them…

Birthday wishes and good bye messages from my class 4/1 friends, from 2/4 friends, from my close best friends, from my guides, porkies, tb12…. everything is wonderful… thankew… i’ve been lazing around, forgetting i was once loved by so many ppl….

once again.. i threw away another 2 diaries… my unhappiness and tears… hoping that i will forget the unhappiness… yes i feel happier… although today didn’t started off good… Afterall, i am loved.. and once loved by so many ppl….

woke up from time to time.. din get a good sleep…..

woke up from time to time.. din get a good sleep.. which results in my body aches… since i’ve got so much time today… maybe i should try to tidy up the drawers of my side table… they are full of crapz… but before that i guess i should go into a deep deep sleep first.. coz i’m tired and moody… perhaps after a short rest, i will be as smiley as before… but it’s hard…

i need to go down to orchard to do my paperwork and give my punchcard for the luxasia thingy… if not i would have no pay… i need to find ppl to go down with me… huiling is grounded… i guess i should make a trip down tomolo after my work… Louis would most probably sleeping at that time… haiz… forget it.. i can be independent.. like i used to be…

Oh well… i’ve visited Jacq’s site and saw the pig… nice… cute… let me remind me of porkies… so i will name the pig porkies… please be friendly and feed him food!!! hahaha…

Tiring

Oh no… i took sooo loong to tidy up half of the cupboard… haiz… i cleared my books, encyclopedia, my merchant of venice… i dunno what is the Shakespeare doin in my cupboard.. anyway.. its out of my cupboard le…

Oh ya… found many interesting things… some birthday present given by felicia, veronica, kuanhorng, and many others.. a milk bottle and a note.. hahaa… anyway… sweet…. then.. i realised i’ve received many folded stars from many of them.. love peas, notes, letters, photos… i kept one or 2.. and i’ve threw the others away… Dunno why.. i dun feel the pain when throwing them away… well… i’m cold blooded…

Then.. i flipped thru those photos… from poly year 1 to year 3.. from we first met each other.. till the day we part… everything is beautiful… and she is beautiful… the five of us.. almost everyone of us love food.. we are gluttons.. we are not like some of the girls who will say full after eating half of our food… hahaa… it’s nice to meet all of them.. it is nice to see the transformation of a littlle innocent girl to a beautiful swan… now she will alwayz stay pretty… as the pretty weiling…

i feeel pain in my lungs when i breathe… i dunno why.. pain…
Oopz… hungry now!!! i guess it’s time for me to go over my auntie house for dinner le bah…

anyway.. this time, my butter fingers broke another thing… haiz… luckily it was not my perfume.. if not i will cry!!!!

Argh.. i think i shall clear my textbooks tomolo… damn.. hate them to the core… my room are full of junks.. i dunno why is my mum keeping my o level books… and she wanted to throw my poly notes away… stupid…. really…. argh… my poly notes are Guru notes… my O level books are junks… why can’t she understand….. 对牛弹琴

Today is a boring day, i actually scheduled today …

Today is a boring day, i actually scheduled today to clear my room… oh well… I’m lazybones hahaa… so i on my com.. sat on my chair and refuse to move… i was looking at my room to see if i can shift my things to make place for the mirror and my cosmetics stuff… Nah.. no space..

I guess i should be more organized and be clean… hahaa… my room is in a mess.. and i hope that by tomolo. it will be “was” hahaha… but i think it will still be messy… anyway.. too many of my parents’ stuff in my room…. my mum got worried that i will shift her things and came into my room.. well.. first time i told her what i wan to do… second time.. i repeated myself raising my voice… third time i couldn’t control myself but shout at her… the fourth time.. i slammed the door on her face and lock the door… generation gap.. indeed… there is a big big gap…i juz can’t communicate with her.. i dunno is it becoz my chinese is too chim.. or she is juz plain stupid… i put it in simple chinese… i put it in teochew.. but the idea juz couldn’t get communicated… wat the helll… Fine fine fine… i will do it my way… i really wan to move out of the house ASAP…

Anyway… talking abt cleanliness, i went supper with louis and there were these two women who wiped the chairs repeatedly with tissues… before settling down, they still call the coffeeshop uncle to use the cloth to clean the table.. they took like 10 mins to choose the chairs, clean the chairs, clean the tables, wash their hands and even before we left, they are still not settled down… Louis said that he will dump me if i become like them.. hahaa.. But it is impossible.. coz i’m so “dirty” and lazy… i dun mind sitting on the floor… i throw my clothes ard… leave my things lying everywhere…Louis is the one who walk behind me and pick up things and help me fold my things… hahahaa… thankew darling!!! hahaa

i will start to pack my things at 3.30pm… hahahaa…. argh… raining and raining… what a nice day to sleep in… i wan to go bangkok… i really really wan to go bangkok… =(